A Little Words from Me

Stories and jokes posted on this blog has nothing whatsoever to do with the living or the dead. The stories and jokes are just for entertainment and not meant to hurt anyone's feelings. Thank you for your understanding and your time to read all the funny stories and pictures at this blog. Hope when you read all the stories and jokes, it can enlighten your stressful day! So laugh all you can to make your day!

Monday, November 1, 2010

I almost died!

Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room, talking about life...

In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.

I said to her: ‘Dear, never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle.

If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'.

Then my wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox.

And then went to the fridge and threw away all my beer!!  ....I ALMOST DIED!!!










Truckie and the Emu

An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?'

'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.'

The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.'

Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man..

'Same for me,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.

Still curious the waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'

The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say'.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

As an Employee.......

* the biggest motivation is salary

* the unluckiest thing is promotion without salary adjustment

* the most "shiok" thing is you don't work anyhow also get pay increment

* the greatest talent is "carry big stuff"

* the greatest mistake is to argue with your boss (it depend)

* the most demoralizing thing is to receive salary late

* the most pitiful thing is you did not get your salary and your boss ran away (get salary 1st then ran away)

* the happiest thing is you become your boss' boss .. wahahahaha!!!

* the cleverest thing is you are late but boss doesn't know (boss also late maa..)

* the stupidest thing is you publicly say that you are lazy (jalan-jalan…)

* the most common thing is - the boss says something but means another (boss don’t know situation)

* the proudest thing is you sack your boss (always…)

* the most "rugi" thing is you work hard but your colleague takes the credit

* the most dangerous thing is to become a "two-headed" snake (*n*i*) guess what?

* the biggest satisfaction - sending e-mail like this during office hours!! hehehehehe....

Perceptions.....superb!!

Women Friends chatting in office.

Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?

Woman 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?

Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: How was your evening?

Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!














Thursday, July 15, 2010

The Irish Diet



PAY ATTENTION N LISTEN TO A DOCTOR'S WORDS OF WISDOM.......


An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!

'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?

The Irishman nodded...'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day

'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

'No, from the f**kin' skippin'

6 PRINCIPLES OF LIFE

• No point using limited life to chase unlimited money.

• No point earning so much money you cannot live to spend it.

• Money is not yours until you spend it.

• When you are young, you use your health to chase your wealth; when you are old, you use your wealth to buy back your health. Difference is that, it may be too late.

• How happy a man is - “Is not how much he has but how little he needs”

• No point working so hard to provide for the people you have no time to spend with.

Remember this -- We come to this world with nothing, we leave this world with nothing!


Sue Divine
"Forgiveness is the final form of love"

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Sadar Jee

Boss: Where were you born?

Sardar: India ..

Boss: which part?

Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India.

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2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.

Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.

Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.

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Sardar: What is the name of your car?

Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.

Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

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Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.

Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

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Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.

Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

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At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

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Sardar: U cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '

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NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:

In an interview.....

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

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Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Sardar: An old king's skeleton.

Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?

Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.