Suckers!

An old man lived

 alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba:

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:

For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.

Love, Bubba

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad:

Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love, Bubba

 

Sweet Revenge

A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"

"To kill my husband."

"I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"

The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.

The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.

He takes the photo, and nods. "I didn't realize you had a prescription!"

Birthday Party

A lady is throwing a Birthday party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out.. a caterer, band, and a hired clown.

Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout.

Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her out back.

Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.

The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time.

But the clown hadn't shown up.

After a half and hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.

The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself.

She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn.

She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high in the air.

She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous.  I have never seen such a thing.

Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him \$50!"

The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. 'HEY WILLIE! FOR \$50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"

He Said To Me!

He said to me ........ I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it

I said to him ........ You wear pants don't you?

He said to me ................ Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

I said.............. That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart.

He said to me...... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

I said to him ....... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

 

He said to me....... Why don't women blink during foreplay?

I said to him .... They don't have time.

 

He said to me.... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

I said to him....... I don't know; it has never happened.

 

He said to me... Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?

I said to him...... They already have boyfriends.

 

He said.....What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

I said..... A widow.

 

He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?

I said to him....... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.

Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

DEDICATE THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

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