Pride Of Being......

Hongkies, Singaporeans, Indonesians and Malaysians..........

 Being Hongkies is good because...
1. We are Hongkies and not Chinese.
2. We can talk and shout and nobody gives a damn.
3. Jackie Chan is our icon.
4. We can live in a 5' x 5' cubicle and call it luxury apartment. We even need to pay $10,000 a month for this cubicle.
5. Our children can speak Cantonese at a young age.
6. We get to blame everything on Feng Shui or Tung Chee Hwa or the mainland communists.
7. Gambling is more interesting than sex. Macau is the place to go for thrills!
8. We produce a lot of Miss Hong Kong to the enjoyment of the rich and famous.

We love being Singaporean because..
1. We are not Malaysians.
2. Everyone (especially the Malaysian) hates us, except ourselves.
3. Famous for Orchard Road and we love Geylang. Geylang is the place to go for thrills!
4. We have our own island.
5. We will never ever have yucky chewing gum stuck under our shoes.
6. We know how to enjoy our vacation in Malaysia - keep a few RM50 notes before you enter the highway: You can throw anything, anytime, anywhere and always wash our cars at the resort.
7. We can speed up to 180 kilometers per hour and not ending up with a summon as long as we have RM50 with us to spare.
8. The men are always concerned, first question to ask a girl 'Do you have CPF?'
9. Never fear of getting lost in our country - S$20 taxi ride will get you into the sea. Hahaha!
10. We'll never have to worry about finding Mr or Ms right because the government will find one for us.
11. 1 Singapore dollar = 2.5 Ringgit... nyek nyek nyek.
12. It's OK to be Kiasu. It's part of our culture.

Top reasons for being Indonesian are as follow...
1. We are not Australian.
2. We live in the biggest country in South East Asia .
3. No pirates in Indonesia water if you exclude the Navy and Coast guards.
4. Everything is cheap, even our salaries...
5. We can blame everything to Suharto or BJ Habibie or Gus Dur or Megawati or who's next?
6. Only in Indonesia you can get involved in real demonstrations daily for different causes and see no results.
7. Our Rupiah is like a Yo Yo, it can go up and down just because IMF say so...
8. We burn everything and nobody gives a damn. We cause haze all over the South East Asia and nobody can do a thing... nyek nyek nyek.
9. We don't need fire fighters as our neighbours will provide...

Being a Malaysian is the best because...
1. World tallest twin towers, Best F1 circuit, largest roti canai, most expensive toll rates, because Malaysia Boleh!
2. We can be driving, picking our nose, cursing another driver, talking on the handphone, adjusting the radio and bribing the traffic police at the same time.
3. We divorce by sending SMS.
4. Traffic summon can be settled on the spot with the traffic police.
5. We have Teh Tarik & Roti Canai on the Russian space ship.
6. We can save a lot of electricity b'coz our TV shows are so crappy.
7. We can blame everything on the haze or George Soros or government or opposition parties or...
8. Resourceful City Council, one person to drive the van, one to carry the ladder, one to change a street's bulb and three others watching...
9. We make 2 lane trunk roads into 3 lane highway and back to 2 lane when police are sighted
10. There's always something for the JKR/TNB/TALIKOM/SYABAS to do. They dig, resurface the road, dig and resurface ... and blame each other for bad co-ordination.
11. All main roads are designated highway because it gives Velooo a reason to collect toll.
12. Our government can never be wrong or dishonest.
13. Our badminton players win already only need to pay them RM35,000 very cheap compare to David Beckham.
14. You can divorce for as little as RM 10 million ringgit and marry a young singer you like, how nice is life.
15. We can even use C4 bomb to bombard Gengkis Khan or Kublai Khan grandchildren.
16. We have more water than Singapore .... nyek nyek nyek.
17. If you got no monies you can always snatch other peoples monies since police can't do much to help.
18. If you are a police, doesn't matter about the traffic rules, its for citizens only
19. If you are a policeman rider you can kick and bang people car like nobody business
20.. If you drive a police car, you can speed cause speed limit only apply to citizens
21. All motor rider can join the recognized & supported Mat Rempit club for free and can beat up anybody in their way and can even throw stones at the police station anytime they like.
21. If you got nothing to do join the rela and go to the kongsi gelap and extort monies from all over.
22. You can rape people and blame them for wearing very little.
23. A country so free to do things you like. Tell me which country is like ours.

Hotel Bill

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this...

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Brisbane to Melbourne.

After almost ten hours on the road, they're too tired to continue and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $450.00.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $450.00.

When the clerk tells him $450.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

'But we didn't use them,' the man complains.

'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.

'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' complains the man again.

'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentions the man replies, 'But we didn't use it!'

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. 'But sir,' he says, 'this cheque is only made out for $50.00.'

'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $400 for sleeping with my wife.'

'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.

'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have!'

For All The Married and Unmarried

Men and women on earth die and go to heaven.

God comes and says: -

"I want the men to form two queues, one line for the men who had control over their women, and the other one for the men who were controlled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines.

The line for the men who were controlled by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who had control over their women there is only one man.

God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created in you my image, and you were all controlled by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!"

"Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"


The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here." :) :)